I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
