Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
