i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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