im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
