look no pants
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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