ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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