yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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