he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
