yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
