I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
