I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
