The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
so much tequila, so little girl.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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