There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You are the jesus of drinking
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
