The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
