its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
