Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
