There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
