im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
