how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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