She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
