i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
