So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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