ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
well you can't waste a boner
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
