got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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