are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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