I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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