it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
