Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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