You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
