Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
