Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
