in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
