oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
