I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
