I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize