We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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