So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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