you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize