This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
