Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
