pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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