Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
