Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
