he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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