he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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