textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize