He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You made out with two different species that night
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I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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