I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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