How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize