Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
