Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
