I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
