We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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