he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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