remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
