Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
