I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
