the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
