ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's never too late to be topless.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
