Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
