Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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