Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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