Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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