I think I won the penis lottery.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
