Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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