i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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