they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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