My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
