South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
