I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
