and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
