My room smells like vodka and shame
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They are going to name an STD after you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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