i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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