my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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