Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
