Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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