So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize