just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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