I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
