He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
false alarm, still single
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
