New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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