you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
do nipples grow back?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
