OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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