I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
